Marijuana Mondays (or, Why it's GREAT to live at Il Pompeii Apartments!)

Ten Reasons why I love my apartment building:

10. Marijuana Mondays

Every monday night, our neighbors in apartment 51 smoke weed. We realized this the night our electricity got shut off because we forgot to pay the bill and we had to open the windows because it was 80 degrees in our apartment. While it was a toss up between the culprits being in apartment 50 or 51, we finally settled on the latter because of other, perhaps lesser noticed, details. Like the bucket full of cigarette butts they have outside their door. I met these neighbors the other day. They seemed nice.

9. Hercules lives here too!

Because our apartment is named Il Pompeii, the creators of this place decided to max out our complex with first-rate Greek decorations. As you enter the south gate, you are greeted by two lions with their fists extended, ready to fist pound it. As you grill, you can admire a freakishly tall statue of some kind of Greek god (perhaps the god of grilling? of meats? or hearth and home? of 1 year contracts?). As you walk about the complex, you often have to pause and ask yourself if somehow you've stepped into the heyday of Athenian culture. But then you see Terrylea, our landlady, smoking and reminding you that all pets must be approved by the front office. And you know you're home.

8. Speaking of Terrylea...

The sixties were not kind to this woman. Bless her heart but any type of question, challenging or simple, is met with a long and confused pause. You ask. She stares. You wonder if she's having some kind of episode. And then she answers. It's not helpful. But isn't she sweet?

7. Rent. So addicting.

The first of the month is the BEST at Il Pompeii. Because that's when you get to open up the little mail slot that drops into the leasing office! I always ask my roommates if I can be the one to do this. It's not that I like being separated from my money or that I enjoy the epic journey across the complex to the leasing office. It's that I get to involuntarily smoke a pack of Marlboros just by opening the mail slot. Without fail, you know you're within fifty feet of the leasing office because it smells like you're at a McDonalds in Mobile.

6. Visualize Grilled Cheese

Our neighbor has this bumper sticker in the window of his living room. After a few treacherous minutes of googling, C found out that this is a play on words from the term "Visualize World Peace". I didn't realize how disgusting the name "grilled cheese" is until I associated it with this weird apartment dweller.

5. The neighbor kids are so cute!

But why, why, WHY must they be out playing at 7 am on Saturday mornings? I should punch one of them. That will teach them to respect their elders.

4. Our door is cursed!

Everyday when the sun is setting, the wood on our front door warps. Usually, this makes it difficult to get in and out of the apartment. The simple solution to this is to thrust your complete body against the door. That'll do it! Sometimes, however, it renders the option of leaving completely void. It's really sweet.

3. We have a dishwasher.

And an olympic sized living room. We're making plans to hold gymnastics competitions with our friends here. We're expecting a big turnout.

2. Our neighbors have beauty AND brains

The person who used to park their yellow mustang in our spot had a license plate frame that said, "All this... and brains too".

I saw her once.

At least, I think it was a her.

And the number one reason it's great to live at Il Pompeii...

1. Brosephs.

It's true. An apparent pre-requisite for living in our apartment complex if you are a young male is that you must: 1) Have arms bigger than your face 2) Have a tribal tattoo around your freakishly muscular arm 3) Refuse to wear a shirt. Ever. Even when you're taking out your trash or grilling or doing your laundry or checking the mail. Don't put on a shirt. 4) When you are shirtless, it's entirely acceptable to wear socks and shoes and a Dodgers hat 5) You must drive a truck with an Active sticker.

As you can imagine, my roommates and I are really lucky to have found this awesome catch of an apartment complex.