That's What She Said: A Guide

Location: An office. Two men stand by watching another man try to put together a "some assembly required" chair from Staples. A bright red "That Was Easy" button sits by, untouched.

Person One: How do I get this thing to go in?

Person Two: Thats what she said!

Person Three: (chuckles softly to self)

Person One: Shut up.

"That's What She Said"

Anywhere. Anytime.

(that's what she said)

Ah, the classic one liner: "thats what she said". A perfect addition to nearly any conversation. It has that magic touch. That ability to bring together strangers and draw close friends even closer. It can lighten up a serious conversation, a tense situation or add even more hilarity to an already hilarious event.

But people need to use this phrase responsibly. Many older adults have recognized the unique power that this little phrase can have over common, everyday conversations. And they're experimenting.

And it's not pretty.

So, out of respect for the hearts and minds of my readership, I have dedicated myself to creating "That's What She Said": A Guide for all those who would like to improve their use of this immortal gem!

Rule One: Not quite anytime

Be aware of your surroundings. Is this the type of event that requires a little pick me up like TWSS? Or is it a moment that is appropriately sober?

Don't:

Widow: He was dead on arrival...

You: That's what she said.

NO. BAD.

Do:

Widow: He was dead on arrival

You: Sorry.

MUCH. BETTER.

Rule Two: Not quite anywhere

PLACES THAT ARE UNACCEPTABLE:

Hospitals

Nursing Homes

Churches

Historical Ruins (exception: the Parthenon)

Flower Shops (don't question it.)

Classrooms (notes to friends: acceptable)

Anywhere that children are present (they won't get it so your humor will be lost on them)

Rule Three: No Set Ups

Example-

You: It's so small

You (1 second later): That's what she said

NO. LAME.

You might wonder when you'll get your chance to use TWSS if you don't create the opportunity yourself. Look, I don't care. You can die without ever making a good TWSS joke for all I care. Just don't set yourself up. I mean it. This is my only warning.

Rule Four: Your waiter doesn't think it's funny. So don't.

Rule Five: The elderly, while often seen as absolute TWSS goldmines, are definitely out.

Grandma: Sorry I don't have anything besides 20 year old cake, I just can't get around since I broke my hip

You: That's what she said

Grandma: Who said?

You: She...it's..a joke...

Grandma: I don't understand

You: It was just a joke. Someone says something...funny...and you say that's what she said...it's really funny...

Grandma: I don't know who she is

You: It's not a person

Grandma: Is it something on the news?

You: No...it's a joke...

Grandma: Are you smoking the marijuanas again?

You: no?

Grandma: You're out of the will.

NO. BAD. NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OF THIS.

Rule Six: Open Ears. Open Eyes. Open Heart.

Believe in the magic of TWSS! If you only keep your ears, eyes and heart open to the possibilitoes, you too will see opportunities to use your TWSS skills in public! Don't be afraid! Take a chance! Believe in yourself! Reach for the moon because even if you miss, you will land among stars.

You can do it. I believe in you.

That's what she said.