Reason #3467 why I will probably die alone.

Every Sunday, I stop at one particular Starbucks near my parent’s house. It’s the only time I ever go to this Starbucks because I am only near my parent's house on Sundays.

But I always look forward to this little stop because it is there that my mysterious Starbucks barista(o?) boyfriend lives.

He actually lives in the Starbucks. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a life outside of that building.

If he does, it doesn’t matter to me.

The point is: he is a Starbucks employee. And I love him.

“Great!” you think to yourself, “if she FINALLY gets a man, she’ll stop writing these ridiculous blogs and I can enjoy the interweb in peace."

You fool! You have counted your eggs before they have hatched.

Because Starbucks man and I will NEVER BE TOGETHER.

“Why?” you ask yourself, “aren’t you two meant to be? Don’t you always share a laugh over the weather? Does he not understand your abiding love for grande soy lattes? Don’t you love his adorable nerdy hipster glasses??”

YES. IT IS ALL TRUE.

But we will NEVER BE TOGETHER because I am INCONVENIENTLY AWKWARD.

He probably thinks I’m a lunatic because I actually turn mute whenever he and I talk (or, “talk”….he is the only one who talks).

APPARENTLY, I have absolutely nothing to say the supposed future father of my children because I suddenly turn into a shy introvert who would rather knit than make eye contact. When did I turn into a person who likes video games? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

You might be wondering what exactly I mean by this.

Fortunately for you, Starbucks security cameras have visually documented these encounters.